Interrogated II

It’s been so long since the four gorgeous men showed up in front of me. I have never expected they will show up again because they will only showed up if I don’t live my life well—and I feel I’m living my life well now.

But then again, it’s Changmin sitting on the sofa in front of me. I can’t be wrong, it’s Changmin. I recognize his new haircut, the one for his latest album, which is only slightly different from his haircut for Best Selection. And the way he stares at me… it’s the look belongs to him only.

I can’t help but furrow my brows. Why is he here? What did I do wrong? Why is he alone?

He folds his arms, keeps our eyes contact, and stays silent. Oh, he’s giving the same tense even when he’s alone—the tense I’m familiar with, the tense of interrogation.

“Annyeong.” I greet him first. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, long time no see.” His voice is cold.

“What brings you here? Why are you alone? Where are the others?”

“Just say it; you only want to know why Jinwoon is not here.”

I gasp. “I-I—“

“I thought you said you are my fan.”

“I am, as well as I am also fan of the other three.”

“But you were my fan at the first place.” He cuts me.

“Yes.” I answer firmly.

“I am your main bias—ah, no. I was your main bias, right?”

I don’t get what his point is, but I feel bitter in his voice. “What is it about?”

“I thought you’re loyal to me no matter what.”

“I am, I anticipate your comeback very much, and you know it.”

“But I am no longer your main bias, aren’t I?”

“What made you think like that? You are still my main bias, and you will always be.”

“You lie.”

“No, I’m not!” I start to feel agitated. “What’s wrong with you, really?”

“I should be the one asking that. What’s wrong with you that you quit being my fan and turn to Jinwoon?” he said in a breath.

I furrow. “I have always been a fan of you four, you, Shiwon, Key, and Jinwoon. There was never been a problem with that before and you four visited me, don’t you remember?”

“That time you didn’t see Jinwoon the way you see him now. I was still your main bias back then.”

“And you are still now.” I convince him desperately.

“No, I’m not. I can’t get it, really,” he unfolds his arms, “you say you will always keep the faith, along with those tons of our fans. But look at you. I don’t mind and I support you turn to other bands when we’re on hiatus. I let you be the others’ fan as well. But being your main bias… now that I’ve grown to be a much more handsome one, why do you shove me away?”

I sigh. “That’s it.” I inhale. “Now you’re very good-looking, tons of girls want you head over heel, while they didn’t even see you back then.”

This time it’s him furrowing. “I don’t get what you mean.”

“You know that compared to the other four in your band, your own fans were #5. But now after the whole things happened and you transformed into a more gorgeous man, your own fans are #2.”

“Well, that’s good. That means there are lots of people love me. You should be happy for me.”

“I am. But I can’t stand hearing those people claiming you are theirs.”

“You are childish.”

“Whatever. I’m not used to hear ‘Oh, my Changmin is so hot!’, ‘Ah, Minnie is very sexy!’. I used to be your only fan every time I met other K-Pop listeners.”

He remains silent.

“So when I met her, hearing her talking about you, claiming you… and the fact she knows more about you… it irritates me. It makes me like a loser. You know how much I hate losing. Liking you suddenly doesn’t feel fun anymore. I feel burdened.” I bit my lip.

He still doesn’t say a word.

“And there’s Jinwoon, who is in the same state as you were.” I exhale. “And I can feel the fun liking him as I felt when I liked you… that carefree feeling I missed…”

His look is hurt. I can feel it.

“However, you are always special for me… You’re my first.”

His gaze softens. “Guess I can’t do anything about being your main bias, then…”

“You are still my main bias, why can’t you believe it? It’s just I’m not showing my liking to you in the same way as before…”

He smiles bitterly. “I see. But I’m still used to your old way.”

I feel the room brightens. I sense he’s leaving anytime soon.

“You are still my passwords to my accounts.”

“Except your daehaksaeng account.”

“Yeah.” I grin. “I used you too but then I had to renew it so I have to use other’s name.”

“And it’s Jinwoon’s.”

I nod weakly.

“I got to go.” He stands up.

I stand up and walk toward him. “You are stunning, you know that?”

He chuckles. “I know.”

“So, are you still mad at me? You still think I’m disloyal to you?”

“Well…” he pauses, “promise me you’ll write more fics with me as the main character and I’ll forgive you. You wrote too much about Jinwoon.” He ruffles my hair.

I chuckle. “Okay.”

“Take care.”

“Send my greeting to the others.”

He hugs me. His hands and his body are cold. I wonder what he has been doing that he is that cold. His coldness transfers to my body.

“I love you.” He whispers. And with that, he vanishes.

I shiver. The cold air from the air conditioner feels too cold. I open my eyes and stare at sofa in front of me.

Goodbye my love, love, love

Take care my love, love, love

Even if the tears filling up, soak my whole body

Now goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Leave me and please be happy

One step, one step, you’re going farther away

Again, I forget to turn off my iPod.

* the part in italic is translation of FT Island's Love Love Love, taken from www.jpopasia.com/lyrics/39107/ft-island/love-love-love.html



How I Become A Key

Kekekeke~ silakan ketawa kalo merasa drabble ini lucu, tapi kalo nggak lucu mohon jangan tabok saya #hidesbehindKey

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"Why did you vote for Jinwoon instead of me? His rap isn't even nearing me and he can't dance at all! Are you MY friend or HIS friend? Do you find him charming?"

She only rolled her eyes.

"Why didn't you give your vote to me? You know how much I dreamed to be school representative at this?"

"I know Kim Kibum, you told me a thousand times."

"Then WHY?"

"Because you can't join that competition."

"WHY?"

"Because you'll have been busy doing exhausting training in SM Entertainment by the time the competition held."

"W-what?"

"They sent the letter of acceptance this morning. I took it from your mailbox, sorry... I was checking your newspaper as usual when I waited for you coming out of the house then I found it and I wanted to suprise you."

"I... I... Oh my goodness, thank you God!"

"I hope you won't forget me once you become famous celebrity."

"Of course I won't!"

"And Kibum, I've created a stage name for you."

"What is it?"

"KEY."

"Key?"

"Yes, Key."

"Why Key?"

"Because you are the Key to my heart."



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This is supposed to be cheesy, so don't throw up, please :D

Lean on Me

Aku mendorong pintu kamar sedikit.

Seperti yang sudah kuduga, Shiwon sedang bekerja di tempat tidur. Ia berkutat dengan laptop di pangkuannya. Beberapa kali ia membetulkan letak kacamatanya yang turun.

Aku memandanginya lekat.

Shiwon adalah orang yang luar biasa sibuk. Ia bekerja sepanjang hari dan masih harus melanjutkan pekerjaannya di rumah. Ia pergi ke kantor pagi-pagi setelah menurunkanku di kos Lolli-chan. Meskipun ia selalu tiba di rumah lebih dulu dariku, tetapi ia harus berjibaku dengan ganasnya jalan raya dan macet yang menguras tenaga. Pekerjaannya memang hanya di dalam ruangan saja dan tampak tidak membutuhkan banyak tenaga, tetapi aku tahu ia harus memutar otak lebih keras dari orang-orang lain di kantornya.

Dengan semua keadaan itu, Shiwon masih bisa tersenyum setiap kali aku memanggilnya. Ia berusaha untuk mendengar cerita dan keluhanku dengan penuh perhatian. Sekuat tenaga ia menahan diri agar tidak menguap di hadapanku walaupun aku bisa dengan jelas melihat kelelahan tergambar di wajahnya. Jika ia benar-benar tidak kuat menahan kantuk, ia akan meminta maaf lalu membiarkanku melanjutkan cerita sementara ia tertidur di bahuku.

Dan lihatlah aku sekarang.

Shiwon tak pernah sekalipun mengeluh atas banyaknya pekerjaan yang harus ia selesaikan atau betapa menyebalkan bos dan koleganya. Aku? Baru menghadapi orang-orang banyak tingkah itu saja aku sudah disorientasi. Baru menghadapi tugas beruntun dan keharusan berpartisipasi dalam sekian banyak kegiatan itu saja aku sudah patah arang. Baru menghadapi tekanan sebesar itu saja aku sudah sangat ingin kembali ke zona nyamanku.

Aku memandangi Shiwon dengan nanar. Perasaanku campur aduk.

Shiwon berhenti menatap layar laptopnya dan menoleh kepadaku. Secara otomatis ia mengembangkan senyum lembutnya.

Aku tidak bisa lagi menahan emosiku. Mataku mulai berkabut.

Shiwon meletakkan laptopnya di nightstand dan menyingkirkan berkas-berkasnya. Ia menepuk-nepuk kasur di sebelahnya.

“Come here, my dear.”

Aku menghambur ke dekapan Shiwon. Napasku memburu seperti orang yang menangis, tetapi aku tidak menangis. Mataku hanya berkaca-kaca, tapi aku tidak menitikkan air mata.

Shiwon mengelus dan menepuk punggungku perlahan. Aku merasakan kehangatan menjalar ke seluruh tubuhku. Perlahan-lahan napasku menjadi teratur.

“You know, everything happens for a reason.”

Aku mengangguk-angguk.

“You know too that you can always come to lean on me.”

Aku mengangguk-angguk lagi. Kemejanya kusut karena anggukanku berulang-ulang.

Aku menghela napas panjang. Mataku mulai berair.

Mengapa aku harus takut kalah dan ingin melarikan diri? Padahal aku tidak akan pernah benar-benar terluka. Aku mungkin akan jatuh dan merasakan sakit, tetapi tidak akan lebih dari itu. Shiwon tidak akan pernah mengizinkan aku terluka. Pada akhirnya pun, aku harus selalu kembali padanya.

Jadi kenapa aku harus menyerah atas hal ini?

Shiwon menepuk-nepuk punggungku untuk meredakan isakan tanpa suaraku. Ia mengecup kepalaku.

“You know you have me.”

Aku mengangguk-angguk.

Thank God I have you.

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Try to guess what is Shiwon's relationship with the main character? ㅋㅋㅋ

Interrogated

Those four boys—or I should say, young men—sat in front of me. Not in the same couch, but somehow they manage to give the same tense—the tense of an interrogation.

I didn’t make any voice. I simply looked at them who stared at me with different gazes. Key shot a stern look. Jinwoon’s was concerned one. Shiwon’s was, as always, a caring gaze. Changmin’s was more like ‘what part can't you understand?’.

Being the oldest among the five, Shiwon broke the silence. “You know why we are here now, right?” he started off very slowly.

I nodded.

“I can't get it, really,” Changmin cut the intro, “which parts of that guy attracted you? His qualification doesn’t even approach the minimum of your standards!”

I sighed. “Why are all of you put so much care on this problem? I mean, it’s just I like this boy, that’s all. And I’m not someone to all of you; I’m just a common fan girl.”

“It’s not just ‘that’s all’. Well, you are a fan girl, that’s a fact, but you chose us as your models of The One. We have to make sure you choose the right one. We can't just sit back and do nothing. It’s our responsibility as the chosen ones.” Key stated. “If you mind with us interfere, you are free to pick others as your models of The One.” He added.

“Had I known you would choose him, I would have approved Rifaye years ago.” Changmin said.

“Why bring up old things? I’m over him now…” I folded up my arms.

“Although he doesn’t have a good sense of treating woman, but Rifaye sure has a bright brain. You said he participated in Science Olympiad, didn’t he? And he is the one you can rely on; he is a good leader too.” Changmin reasoned out.

"Yeah, I hear his business sense is great. Rifaye will make a good pair with you, since you are an excellent manager." Key added.

“Oh please. We know I don’t need whiz man. Someone in average intelligence and capability to treat me well will do.” I furrowed.

“I don’t mind if that guy is not smart, nevertheless I have never expected him to be that not smart until he failed on the university entrance test where many students—which I thought they were on the same level as him—succeeded.” Jinwoon made the other grin. I sighed remembering it. Yes, this time I agreed with him.

“Or you can consider Orenji. He’s not as brilliant as Rifaye, but is definitely smarter than that guy—and undeniably, has way prettier face.” Key suggested. I shook my head quickly.

“Not in a million. I heard he have had many exes now. And he is not that pretty again nowadays.” I stretched my hand.

“Having many exes doesn’t indicate he is a player.” Shiwon stated. “Look at Jaejoong hyung. He does have that number of exes; however, can you call him a player?”

I pouted. How could Shiwon compare a man like Jaejoong with someone in the vein of Orenji?

“And no one says a player can't stop being a player. You’ve known stories of players being faithful after meeting the right woman.” Jinwoon inserted in.

I started getting irk. “Who can guarantee I’m the right woman for him? And why are you promoting them again after you shoved them off the list?”

“Just trying to open up your eyes.” Changmin leaned back. “The thing that I can't deal with up until now is how could you throw all standards you made by your own away like that? You were the one who picked some qualifications of us four and made them standards of your The One.”

I mused. Changmin is always the great observer. Nothing slips his sight. Add to the list, he has tendency to say anything straight to the point and use simple yet hurtful words. “Guess I fell for him. Randomly.” I said finally. “You know that it is something out of your control. I don’t mean to be an inadequate one. I don’t mean to disobey those standards… Just before I knew, feelings have involved too deep with him…”

“But you can control your feeling from developing into love. You did that to Nazriel.” Key reminded. Ah, this boy was really becoming Changmin Jr. Shooting you with hurtful fact.

I felt my eyes started teary. “I don’t know… He is… different. He doesn’t feel intimidated with my status. He gives me proper care, not like someone from the past. He protects me well and is gentle… Like you, Shiwon.” I looked deep into Shiwon’s eyes. He drew his famous precious smile. Shiwon is a type who shows off his care and protection clear to everyone.

“He is? Well, his writings are discourteous. Have you read his blog or his social networking accounts?” Changmin pointed.

I bit my lip. I wanted to defense his image in front of these guys so badly, but the thing Changmin pointed was the thing I hate the most from him. When he is upset or bothered by something or someone, he’ll curse. The worse, he likes to post his curses up so others can read them. Reading them, one will hardly believe he is gentle. I took a deep breath. Once again, I looked deep into Shiwon’s eyes, seeking for his warm support.

“It’s not like I really want him to be The One…” I said weakly. “Moreover, he’ll leave by the end of this month. He’s moving out to the Southern.” I couldn’t hold back anymore. The first droplet dropped.

“Nothing is wrong with falling for someone.” Jinwoon’s words felt like soothing my hair. “Still, choosing The One needs serious consideration. You need to think about many aspects. Even if he passes all your standards, there’s always a chance he can't be your The One.”

As much as I wanted to refuse, Jinwoon’s saying was true. Too true until it scattered my hearts.

“You know what you have to do.” Shiwon gave his serene look.

“Nothing will change if he still remains in your head, in your heart.” Key reminded.

I looked at them with completely wet eyes. “You will help me, won’t you?”

“For sure.” Key smiled. “So will people around you.” He added.

“Your life is yet long way to go.” Changmin said. “Therefore you still have times to search for the right The One.”

Hearing their cares made my cry even louder and longer. “Thank you… for caring me this much.” I said between my sob.

I felt Shiwon’s arms encircled my body. Then Jinwoon’s hand patting my shoulder, Key’s holding mine, and Changmin smoothing my head. At this moment, I cried almost histerically.

“You have to remember that we do care about you and we do believe you, okay?” Shiwon whispered. I nodded.

“We only want the best for you. We will fight for giving you the best.” Changmin kept soothing my hair.

I buried my head deeper in Shiwon’s chest. He smiled. “Live happily, promise?” I nodded again. This time, continuously.

I could feel their figures slowly fading as I keep nodding. When they were about to disappear, I reached Shiwon’s hand. He smiled widely. “Be happy,” he said, and then they vanished completely.


Out of blue, I felt breathing was so hard. I opened my eyes slowly. The swing air from the air conditioner swing at my face. I wondered why my eyes felt so heavy. The small mirror on the cupboard reflected my self. My eyes were completely wet and swollen. As my fingertips touched the tears, a familiar miserable feeling grew in my chest. Floods of tears was about to burst, but Jinwoon’s deep voice stopped it.


Even if things were tough, I couldn't say so
Even if I was sad, I'd always smile
I'm afraid of totally collapsing if I admit I'm having a hard time right now
I'm afraid I'll want to stop what I'm doing if I admit I'm sad right now
I'm smiling now, I'm smiling from the bottom of my heart
Because I have you waiting for me, because I can show you today
I smile, I smile, and I smile

A few hours ago, I forgot to turn off my iPod.




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I wrote this quite sometime ago. Today I post my writings (fanfics, oneshots, and drabbles) in order to celebrate my and twinnie's 19th year of life :)