Thursday, March 3, 2011


Those four boys—or I should say, young men—sat in front of me. Not in the same couch, but somehow they manage to give the same tense—the tense of an interrogation.

I didn’t make any voice. I simply looked at them who stared at me with different gazes. Key shot a stern look. Jinwoon’s was concerned one. Shiwon’s was, as always, a caring gaze. Changmin’s was more like ‘what part can't you understand?’.

Being the oldest among the five, Shiwon broke the silence. “You know why we are here now, right?” he started off very slowly.

I nodded.

“I can't get it, really,” Changmin cut the intro, “which parts of that guy attracted you? His qualification doesn’t even approach the minimum of your standards!”

I sighed. “Why are all of you put so much care on this problem? I mean, it’s just I like this boy, that’s all. And I’m not someone to all of you; I’m just a common fan girl.”

“It’s not just ‘that’s all’. Well, you are a fan girl, that’s a fact, but you chose us as your models of The One. We have to make sure you choose the right one. We can't just sit back and do nothing. It’s our responsibility as the chosen ones.” Key stated. “If you mind with us interfere, you are free to pick others as your models of The One.” He added.

“Had I known you would choose him, I would have approved Rifaye years ago.” Changmin said.

“Why bring up old things? I’m over him now…” I folded up my arms.

“Although he doesn’t have a good sense of treating woman, but Rifaye sure has a bright brain. You said he participated in Science Olympiad, didn’t he? And he is the one you can rely on; he is a good leader too.” Changmin reasoned out.

"Yeah, I hear his business sense is great. Rifaye will make a good pair with you, since you are an excellent manager." Key added.

“Oh please. We know I don’t need whiz man. Someone in average intelligence and capability to treat me well will do.” I furrowed.

“I don’t mind if that guy is not smart, nevertheless I have never expected him to be that not smart until he failed on the university entrance test where many students—which I thought they were on the same level as him—succeeded.” Jinwoon made the other grin. I sighed remembering it. Yes, this time I agreed with him.

“Or you can consider Orenji. He’s not as brilliant as Rifaye, but is definitely smarter than that guy—and undeniably, has way prettier face.” Key suggested. I shook my head quickly.

“Not in a million. I heard he have had many exes now. And he is not that pretty again nowadays.” I stretched my hand.

“Having many exes doesn’t indicate he is a player.” Shiwon stated. “Look at Jaejoong hyung. He does have that number of exes; however, can you call him a player?”

I pouted. How could Shiwon compare a man like Jaejoong with someone in the vein of Orenji?

“And no one says a player can't stop being a player. You’ve known stories of players being faithful after meeting the right woman.” Jinwoon inserted in.

I started getting irk. “Who can guarantee I’m the right woman for him? And why are you promoting them again after you shoved them off the list?”

“Just trying to open up your eyes.” Changmin leaned back. “The thing that I can't deal with up until now is how could you throw all standards you made by your own away like that? You were the one who picked some qualifications of us four and made them standards of your The One.”

I mused. Changmin is always the great observer. Nothing slips his sight. Add to the list, he has tendency to say anything straight to the point and use simple yet hurtful words. “Guess I fell for him. Randomly.” I said finally. “You know that it is something out of your control. I don’t mean to be an inadequate one. I don’t mean to disobey those standards… Just before I knew, feelings have involved too deep with him…”

“But you can control your feeling from developing into love. You did that to Nazriel.” Key reminded. Ah, this boy was really becoming Changmin Jr. Shooting you with hurtful fact.

I felt my eyes started teary. “I don’t know… He is… different. He doesn’t feel intimidated with my status. He gives me proper care, not like someone from the past. He protects me well and is gentle… Like you, Shiwon.” I looked deep into Shiwon’s eyes. He drew his famous precious smile. Shiwon is a type who shows off his care and protection clear to everyone.

“He is? Well, his writings are discourteous. Have you read his blog or his social networking accounts?” Changmin pointed.

I bit my lip. I wanted to defense his image in front of these guys so badly, but the thing Changmin pointed was the thing I hate the most from him. When he is upset or bothered by something or someone, he’ll curse. The worse, he likes to post his curses up so others can read them. Reading them, one will hardly believe he is gentle. I took a deep breath. Once again, I looked deep into Shiwon’s eyes, seeking for his warm support.

“It’s not like I really want him to be The One…” I said weakly. “Moreover, he’ll leave by the end of this month. He’s moving out to the Southern.” I couldn’t hold back anymore. The first droplet dropped.

“Nothing is wrong with falling for someone.” Jinwoon’s words felt like soothing my hair. “Still, choosing The One needs serious consideration. You need to think about many aspects. Even if he passes all your standards, there’s always a chance he can't be your The One.”

As much as I wanted to refuse, Jinwoon’s saying was true. Too true until it scattered my hearts.

“You know what you have to do.” Shiwon gave his serene look.

“Nothing will change if he still remains in your head, in your heart.” Key reminded.

I looked at them with completely wet eyes. “You will help me, won’t you?”

“For sure.” Key smiled. “So will people around you.” He added.

“Your life is yet long way to go.” Changmin said. “Therefore you still have times to search for the right The One.”

Hearing their cares made my cry even louder and longer. “Thank you… for caring me this much.” I said between my sob.

I felt Shiwon’s arms encircled my body. Then Jinwoon’s hand patting my shoulder, Key’s holding mine, and Changmin smoothing my head. At this moment, I cried almost histerically.

“You have to remember that we do care about you and we do believe you, okay?” Shiwon whispered. I nodded.

“We only want the best for you. We will fight for giving you the best.” Changmin kept soothing my hair.

I buried my head deeper in Shiwon’s chest. He smiled. “Live happily, promise?” I nodded again. This time, continuously.

I could feel their figures slowly fading as I keep nodding. When they were about to disappear, I reached Shiwon’s hand. He smiled widely. “Be happy,” he said, and then they vanished completely.

Out of blue, I felt breathing was so hard. I opened my eyes slowly. The swing air from the air conditioner swing at my face. I wondered why my eyes felt so heavy. The small mirror on the cupboard reflected my self. My eyes were completely wet and swollen. As my fingertips touched the tears, a familiar miserable feeling grew in my chest. Floods of tears was about to burst, but Jinwoon’s deep voice stopped it.

Even if things were tough, I couldn't say so

Even if I was sad, I'd always smile
I'm afraid of totally collapsing if I admit I'm having a hard time right now
I'm afraid I'll want to stop what I'm doing if I admit I'm sad right now
I'm smiling now, I'm smiling from the bottom of my heart
Because I have you waiting for me, because I can show you today
I smile, I smile, and I smile

A few hours ago, I forgot to turn off my iPod.


I wrote this quite sometime ago. Today I post my writings (fanfics, oneshots, and drabbles) in order to celebrate my and twinnie's 19th year of life :)

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